the greatest storm.

On August 11, 2009 I woke up on Union Island in the Caribbean to a huge storm, rain that drenched the ground, lightning that light up all I could see, and thunder that roared louder than I had ever heard. I had woken up to what I thought was the biggest storm but I didn't know what the future held. That morning I boarded a ferry that would take me back to St. Vincent which was were the ship was birthed. Due to the storm that morning the ride on the ferry wasn't pleasant and I found myself in the bathroom throwing up. My day wasn't looking so good but I had no idea that it would become one that I would never forget. That day, on that ferry, I was told something that broke my heart, something that changed my life forever, something that I wish never happened. These are the words I was told "Krysten, your two best friends Aja and Amanda died in a car accident yesterday." No words escaped my mouth, only tears feel from my eyes. I looked out at the vast ocean for while and then spoke, a simple question. "Aja and Amanda??" All I heard in response was "yes". I fell to my knees and wept. That hour I had left on the ferry till we arrived in St. Vincent I sat will tears falling from my eyes and denial and questions filling my head. The moment I found out about what happened to Aja and Amanda I felt this sickness come over me and as I sunk deeper and deeper into the reality of my friends death the sickness inside my stomach grew. I arrived back on the ship and throw myself in my bed and cried. The phone calls started to come. First it was Shanna, we cried together and didn't have much words to say except that we needed each other. Next was my mom where I heard the some good news, she told me I could come home. After I got off the phone with my mom I was focused on getting a flight home. The very next day I watched the ship sail out of St. Vincent and the morning after that I began my flight home. I arrived in Portland on Friday at 10am to find that I needed to go straight home to get ready... for Amanda's service. It all hit me very fast. I was home in America, seeing my friends and family for the first time in a year but I would have never wished it was for this reason. It was shocking enough to be at home again and with the reason for my return, it made it a million time more shocking.

Amanda's funeral was beautiful, the words that were spoken about her were beautiful which was all fitting because she was an amazing and beautiful daughter of God.

The very next day after Amanda's funeral was Aja's, this day was harder than I can explain. I started the day by going to Aja's house to see her parents, that day I met her dad for the first time when I was standing in her room crying. After being in Aja's room and meeting her dad it became too much for me and I had to leave her house. In the car on the way to Aja's funeral I thought to myself "God is this really my life? Are they really gone?" It all felt like some bad dream that I was going to eventually wake up from, but I haven't woken up yet, its my life. I arrive at Aja's funeral which was held at my home church, I found my seat and stared at my lap trying to deal with all the thoughts that were running through my head. (as I write my heart is beating so fast, my stomach feels sick and I am nervous to write what I am going to write next because it seems so unbelievable in my head) As I sat in my chair waiting for the service to start I was interrupted with the question of "Do you want to see her?" Immediately my heart broke and said NO. I said "No, I cant, I cant see her." I was then told it will make it more real, it might help. In my head I disagreed but I was then brought to the room where she was. That very second I saw her casket I collapsed into my friends arms, I pulled myself together and walked into room. There she was right in front of my eyes, my best friend dead lying in her casket. I just wept. After a short while I couldn't look at her anymore, the sickness in my stomach was unbearable, so I left the room and sat back in my set and buried my wet face in my hands. Her service was beautiful, great things were said about her, music was played that she would have loved, and people spoke of their times with her. During the open mic I sat in my seat wanting to tell of the beautiful friendship that I shared with Aja but knowing I couldn't speak, I couldn't find the words to say that would express how much I love that girl and how broken I was with out her. So I kept quite, hoping that she knew what she meant to me. I survived my second funeral in two day, before this I had never even been to a proper funeral service.

As I write this I think of how odd it was that one second I was serving on the Logos Hope, really falling in love with God and his people and growing so much in God and the next second I was attending the funerals of two of my best friend. It was like my world had fallen apart, so much of what I knew and loved came crashing down, with no warning. My life became so blurry, so much confusion filled my head and so much hurt filled my heart.

This was the storm, the greatest storm, now it was time to try to repair from all the damage it had caused.